I wrote this a while back, thought I should share. Enjoy!!
I’m sitting here trying to figure out what on earth can be compared to rejection? I’d say death but I’m not quite sure that works because as far as I know when people die they go to a better place, and rejection is definitely not a good place to be at. I thought I had overcome rejection or its side effects at least, I thought that rejection had made things easier for me. “At least now I know where I stand in his heart, I can now move on,” I foolishly told myself. I was wrong!!! I won’t be too hard on myself though, mostly because it was a consolation that has worked just up until thirty minutes ago.
I hate not being in control. I hate not being able to change how I feel. I wish I could at least understand why I feel this way. Why do I still want to see the face of the person who has possibly caused me the most heartache ever? Why do I feel the need to talk to him? Shouldn’t I hate him? Shouldn’t I despise him? Shouldn’t he be my worst enemy? Tell me, am I insane? Am I stupid? Have I lost all my thinking senses? Where is my dignity?.. I am clearly losing it!!!
I’m not sure why I want to see or talk to him. I have no intentions of offering my heart again neither do I have the desire to accept his, that chapter has already been closed never to be reopened. Which begs the question why am I still longing for his call and visits????
Perhaps matters of my own heart are not for me to understand or control. Maybe the conflict between the mind and the heart is essential for survival. Whatever the case I remain captive of my own feelings with an unknown sentence. Perhaps tomorrow I’ll be free or maybe tomorrow someone else will be a fool for me. Maybe tomorrow the brain will take the lead. But for today I’ll sit here and continue to ponder on rejection.